Of Living And Being Alive
by E 330
Summary: ON HIATUS - NaruSasuNaru AU Working in his late father's company can be mind blowingly dull. Naruto lives only for the pleasure of a moment and luckily he know how to find it. Then who is that and what is he feeling..?
1. Awakenings

**This is my absolute first fic that will contain lemons. I've written one or two already, but unfortunately they're not in this chapter. Too bad! T.T ****I'm not planning on marking where lemons start and where they end but if you wish me to, write a review and tell me. Of course I much hope you write one anyways... **

**I feel it's my responsibility to tell you that this story is only second in priority (Killing An Immortal takes first) and actually I don't even promise to update soon. Of course it will happen faster the more readers I get but I have a pretty high standard for this story's quality. I've read this first chapter through about ten times already (modifying it every time) before I was finally content with it. Not even to mention that I wrote the first form of this about a year ago. I have the second chapter written too, but it requires at least half a dozen more times of re-reading before it's anywhere close to the required quality. And this story's not gonna be very long (at least I don't think so). Probably three or four chapters... or then five... in other words I don't really know.  
**

**Warnings (to this chapter): Yaoi, language and references to adult themes **

**Disclamer: don't own the Naruto charas nor the original plot (applies to later chapters)  
**

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::Of Living And Being Alive::  
::Awakenings::

And so awoke Uzumaki Naruto. He sat up on a large bed with white silk sheets. Definitely not his own bed. There was a mop of long black hair laid on a pillow on his right completed with a well-built male body. The other man had his half of the cover only to his hips, leaving the curve of his side and naked back open for Naruto's eyes. He remembered the man having flawless skin, but that's all he remembered. He hadn't met the man before the previous night, but they'd ended up here spending the night together. Afterwards both of them had turned to their own sides of the bed and fallen asleep. He really didn't have the slightest clue of to whom that very naked body belonged.

Deciding to leave before that someone woke up; he stood up from the bed. The bedroom was furnished with elegant dark wood and all its textures were of pearl white silk with the exact same hue as the bed sheets. Naruto silently cursed his slightly sore backside and got dressed once he found his clothes. The bedroom door led to a spacious lounge with similar decoration. The house looked very comfortable at first sight, but it felt a little lifeless to Naruto. So did his own apartment, he remarked. He hadn't been drunk the night before, but he still struggled to find the front door. They hadn't spent that much time outside the bedroom the previous night so the house was almost as good as new to him.

After finding his way out, Naruto stood in the front yard of the house for a while. There was a garden filled with well cared for plants and trees, but the scenery was partly spoiled by the depressingly grey sky hanging over it. The winds carried the smell of approaching rain and Naruto decided to hurry. On that kind of a day people stayed home doing something apparently important and cursed the fact that such weathers appeared on weekends. Naruto wasn't interested in on which days it rained and on which it didn't. All he knew was that tomorrow would be another day with another morning with stumbling home from another unknown house. That's what he did every weekend. Then there'd be another series of eventless days of working in his late father's corporation and again back to weekends and waking up at kami knows where.

Naruto walked along a seemingly endless stone path before arriving at the front gates. They were large and appeared to be high on security. Naruto tried opening them experimentally and slipped through the slight chink between them he managed to create. He turned to look who the house belonged to. There was a polished metal sign saying "Hyuuga". Naruto cursed again. He'd probably have to face the guy sooner or later at work. The Hyuuga house owned another remarkable corporation which happened to be on friendly terms with his father's one. They produced computer ware and worked on IT while Naruto's side took care of the advertisements and made their products sell.

But in truth, Naruto hated his job. He was rich because of it, yes, and he was in one of the top positions in the corporation but it was so damn boring. The whole place had once been a family business but it had grown into something else and Naruto sure as hell didn't know what good it did to keep the only remaining family member in the company when he wasn't even the boss. Not that he wanted to be, mind you. In his father's hands the place had been alive and well, but now it was just reaching for better markets and more money. The atmosphere there had gone cold. Still he felt a certain obligation to working there. The corporation was something his father had built and it was the last thing he could do for his father. He would have to claim the place back under the Uzumaki name.

Naruto had just arrived at the lobby in the house his apartment was at. He owned the top floor of one of the most expensive houses in the city. Naruto got in an elevator and rode it to his floor and entered his property. Contrary to the common belief, Naruto's pent house apartment wasn't covered in antique and gold, but rather with just nice, warm, a little darkish colors and simple leather and wooden furniture. Dark and warm colors made him feel more like he belonged in there. He had a huge book shelf full of books and DVDs. On weekdays he usually distracted himself from reality by reading, but on weekends he didn't really have the energy to concentrate on something like that. He picked some random movie from his DVD collection and put it into the DVD player. It really wasn't that random, really, as he remembered perfectly well what movie was where on the shelves. He had reached for his favourite comedy, but even it had lost its magic after seeing it about a hundred times. He collapsed onto a little too worn-out black leather sofa, a nice piece of heritage. The movie began and Naruto readied himself for another wasted Saturday. He knew perfectly well that long before the end of the movie, he would have lost interest in it and fallen asleep. Actually, he had already lost interest in it.

………

It was 6 pm when Naruto woke up. He was ravenous. He needed something to eat and fast. As normal, he had been neglecting his fridge, so he'd have to go out to eat again. And after that, it'd be late enough to go back to the club. There was a nice and quiet restaurant which Naruto frequented just a block away from his apartment, but that wasn't an option. Surely Naruto would starve to death long before he got his dinner in front of him. He had to pick a fast food restaurant just across the street but no way would he stay there to eat. It's at least theoretically possible that someone there would recognise him and come and ask for autographs and group photos. What's even worse, some journalist may notice him and dig up all that shit from the time of his father's death. His face would be plastered on every magazine cover and he wouldn't have a moment of peace. Nope, he'd have to eat his hamburgers home, alone.

………

After the feasting, Naruto decided he'd have a refreshing shower before the hunt of the night. Hot water never ran out with his kind of money, so he wasted some more time just standing under the pouring water. He enjoyed the feel of hot water on his body. It felt like it was purging him inside out. But he never actually felt dirty. All he felt was boredom and pleasure. One could call him a hedonist, but he never thought of himself as one. He just wanted to feel alive again and again and pleasure brought him that feeling.

He stood before the bathroom mirror and wiped some steam off it. His blond hair, now darkened by its wetness, lay flat on his head, almost reaching his shoulders. He combed his long bangs back from his forehead with his fingers. He was supposed to have an uneven wild look but it would have to wait until his hair dried. He took a tube of lotion from a cabinet on his left and spread a thin layer of it on his skin. He wouldn't have his skin scaling off after drying it with all that water.

He left the bathroom and went to choose clothes for the night. There was a whole walk-in closet connected to the bedroom full of clothing. A significant part of his wardrobe consisted of suits, dress shirts and other formal clothing, though. His job required it, whether he liked it or not. Whether he was the head of his father's corporation or not the decision-makers insisted on his presence on important business meetings on which it was important to look good. They still considered him the main component in keeping up the corporation's image. They had actually admitted that persuasion by a handsome, young man helped the meetings go more fluently. Of course, another half of Naruto's clothes were for leisure time. On nights like this he chose something tight to wear. He picked dark jeans and a bright red sleeveless shirt to go with it.

Naruto returned to the bathroom and dried his hair. His apartment had excellent air conditioning which made the damp air after a shower disappear in a second, allowing Naruto to use the hair dryer without receiving an unfortunate electric shock. He looked in the mirror again, finding his hair settling down just perfectly but still deciding to use some hair spray just in case. Finally he took his treasured necklace in hand and tied it around his neck. The necklace had a blue jewel and two silver ornaments on it. He had received it from his father who said it had been passed down in the family for generations. Everyone said the blue of the jewel matched Naruto's eyes but he knew his eyes were the exact same color as his father's and grandfather's. That's why he so treasured it. It was one of the last things connecting him to his family, even further than to his father.

There was this nice night club a good distance away from Naruto's apartment. That one was Naruto's favorite. The whole atmosphere there pleased him every time he entered the place. He didn't want to choose a club closer to his home because he lived in an area commonly known as wealthy. The rich know the rich they say. It would definitely end up as a scandal if Naruto slept with someone famous. He hadn't known about the Hyuuga, though. And now that he thought about it he remembered that the Hyuuga heir was engaged to his cousin by the decision of their parents. It was obvious in Naruto's eyes why he'd wanted to get wasted.

He entered the club he had been headed to and savoured in the immediate emotions it evoked in him. There was actually a long queue of people waiting to get inside, but let's just say the club owner was a friend of Naruto's. Loud music hit his ears the moment he left the club's foyer after leaving his coat there. He knew by experience that the night would get cold. There was a huge crowd of people on the dance floor clinging to whoever was the closest, lover or stranger. Lights of different colors flashed over the dance floor, circling and mixing with other colors. Tables and booths were around the dance floor, vacating the whole space around it. There was a bar counter at the back with people buzzing around it. If the music had been muted suddenly, the amount of noise the people themselves made would have overwhelmed anyone. Next to the bar an open doorway led to a more quiet space with a bar of its own. Practically it was where people went to wallow in their loneliness and drink themselves drunk enough to go fool around with just about anyone. Before they got thrown out, that is. Naruto never went to the other room, though. He didn't want to have anything to do with drunks and he didn't drink much himself. He didn't trust his judgment enough.

Now that he was here he felt alive. The darkness and loud music always made him feel less like himself and more like part of a huge crowd of people. The whole club felt like one big entity with all these small fragments moving inside it, seemingly insignificant but important all the same. The beat made his body go numb and his mind was free of everything.

He headed towards the bar counter. He always took a drink the moment he got there to loosen the tension. Only one, though. The place seemed to be overflowing with people already. He tried to circle around the dance floor, but even the area around it was packed with people. He bumped into someone and both apologized absent mindedly at the same time. It brought both back to the present. The one before him was a black haired man in his early twenties and he sure as hell was good looking. Naruto's eyes traveled to his tight dark blue shirt which emphasized his slim but muscular physique. The man's pale skin looked all the more attractive with the contrast to his shiny black hair. Just then someone decided to break their mutual admiration of each other and pushed Naruto from behind while rushing past him, cursing something about them blocking the way. Naruto and the other man ended up with their bodies squeezed together. Naruto's head had found its way over the other man's shoulder. He filled his lungs with his scent and enjoyed the contact with this total stranger. The man oozed sexiness and it had Naruto climbing fast to his own mental utopia. He had intended on staying there before he was woken up to the reality by the wakening in his crotch. His first impulse was to run, as composedly as he could, to the men's room and sort this out there. He liked to keep things simple and never got to know anyone at the club, but he always spent a bit of time with them to know if they were sane or not. That's why he needed to take care of his erection on his own. That required a total change in the direction he had been headed to as the bathrooms were located near the exit, but he didn't care. In the men's room he was after pushing past a lot of people.

'Oh fuck, he was gorgeous!' Naruto raved in his head. 'I won't have a peace of mind before I fuck him but he's too gorgeous for me to leave as a one-night stand. Oh fuck, oh fuck…'

He contemplated whether to just throw some cold water on his face or actually work on what he got. He decided to save the latter for later and congratulated himself on his resolve. He had already gotten to the deed of drying his face when he saw the same gorgeous man walking in from over his task. The man immediately set his eyes on Naruto and walked to him. His task forgotten, Naruto's breath became shallow and everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. The man's eyes were dark as night and they sucked away all of Naruto's rational thinking. Naruto saw lust in those eyes and he was sure that there was lust in his own. The other man lowered Naruto's hands further and moved his own to the back of Naruto's head. He drew him into a lust filled kiss which Naruto greedily returned. It was pure passion and Naruto knew immediately that he hadn't found just a gem like normally, but rather a diamond. In seconds Naruto had his arms around the other man, one hand tangling itself in the soft black locks of hair. At some point Naruto was pushed against the bathroom wall and their tongue-dance continued as a sloppy kiss partially outside of their mouths. Naruto pushed his hips forward and the other man leaned in to keep their bodies tightly pressed together. They both moaned when they rubbed against each other and the brunette moved to licking and kissing Naruto's neck.

While having his neck treated to, Naruto was suddenly struck by the realization that they couldn't do that there. No, rather, Naruto wouldn't do it there.

"Where do you live?" he asked breathlessly in hopes of leaving to a better location while they still could.

Somewhere in the midst of his ministrations the other man managed to answer, "Not close. You?"

"Close."

And that was all it took for them to leave the club. Naruto never brought men to his own home as it would surely peak attention, but just this once…

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**A/N**

**What'd you think? What'd you love and what hate?  
****I tried to fit in some psychological themes, but did it show at all? **

**If you wondered about Naruto waking up at 6 pm then consider how rough night Naruto had. ;P  
I wondered how I could make his day pass and after going to a bar myself I knew he had to sleep. It's really extremely tiring.  
**


	2. Oblivion

**And I present to you my first lemons. Again, the whole chapter's been read and re-read again and again, so I can't do much better with the lemons even if I wanted to. I have exactly 0 words written for the next chapter so I won't say anything about updating. I may give a clue about it in my profile later on, though, so if you're impatient you can alway go and check there. I update it pretty often. And a lot of thanks to reviewers! I keep my motivation up with your help! **

**Warnings: Yaoi, l****anguage, adult themes and lemons **

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::Of Living And Being Alive::  
::Oblivion::

The following morning, to Naruto's surprise, he found himself lying on his own bed. He stared up at his dark red bedroom ceiling and racked his brain for an explanation for a short moment. Oh yes, there had been that gorgeous man at the club yesterday. Elaborate memories flooded into his mind fast and he smirked wickedly to himself. He glanced to the side and confirmed his suspicion of the other half of the bed being empty.

'Right. He must've left already…' Yet he didn't feel comfortable to let go of his new found diamond. Then again, he didn't date anyone. He just went to the club on weekends to find someone to spend the night with. Why did he do that? He had an almost perfected theory as of why, but he had never again touched the subject even in his mind after finding some kind of a reason. Thinking was what he shunned. It never made him feel good, only oblivion did.

In his time, Naruto had been an excellent student. Still school had felt unexciting and dull to him. He had hung about in life without enjoying it, politely rejecting every girl that came to him with a confession. It didn't take a long time for him to understand he was not interested in the opposite sex, so after thinking it through he experimented with his orientation and slept with a guy. Finally he found pleasure. He tried dating a couple of times but his relationships never worked. His boyfriends didn't understand him and his craving for sex. He supposed he could do with a permanent sex-partner, but that wouldn't really count as dating. Words are something important in communicating and necessary in a relationship but to him they were irrelevant. Even before joining his father's corporation he had known how in the business world everyone lied and flattered shamelessly. His world was the same. For him, everything important was expressed through physical contact and nothing more. He didn't believe in love either. Sex was showing his attraction for his partner.

Naruto touched the other pillow on his bed lightly as if not wanting to trespass on the other side. The pillow was still slightly warm so it couldn't have been long since the brunette left. When Naruto listened carefully he heard the shower running. So he hadn't left. 'A little rude to use someone else's shower without permission, isn't it?' Naruto thought to himself, half annoyed and half amused. In the end his smirk resurfaced, 'But then again, we did stay up pretty late last night.'

For a moment Naruto contemplated whether to throw something on and walk into the lounge before the other man finished his shower, but he felt extremely comfortable lying there, staring at the ceiling. He felt he had to go, but his muscles didn't budge the tiniest bit. He knew he was making excuses. He didn't want to face the other man and it actually scared him to find out who he was. The brunette was already in his house and he wouldn't have to do close to anything to find out who Naruto was. Naruto decided to just wait and see what would happen.

After a few minutes the shower stopped running and apparently his guest found a towel to dry himself down with. Naruto listened to light footsteps sounding around the living room. He remembered their clothes having been discarded around there, so the man was most likely gathering his share. The door opened and closed and he was gone. Naruto sighed. Even with his worries for his identity being discovered, he hoped that the guy would be at the club next Friday. But then, what would happen? They'd have another round of mind blowing sex and part again. Naruto frowned in concern. 'This won't end well…'

………

It was Tuesday. Naruto was at work, sitting in his office. For the whole Monday he'd been able to block the brunette out of his mind, but it didn't seem to work anymore. There had been a heap of work waiting for him the day before, now there was nothing to do and he was bored.

He had a fancy office for himself compared to the amount of work and effort he gave to the firm. He had a nice wooden table polished and ornamented perfect and an office chair, the comfiest possible. A dark brown leather sofa stood before a side wall and paintings and books were scattered all over the remaining walls. Everything had been designed and put in place by some designer ages ago. It was his father's former office which he'd left for him and no furniture in it had been replaced. Naruto didn't care about it. He felt more like the biggest fantasy in his life would be to wreck everything in the room. It was too fancy and tidy, too perfect. He didn't feel like he fit there. To him the room was plastic. Still, he appreciated the privacy it provided him with.

The thing is that the last two days his fantasy seemed to have changed. Sure, he still would have loved to tear everything in the room down, but his actual day dream had changed. He had his own secretary, which meant that he could do whatever he wanted in his office and no-one would notice. That's why he filled his boredom by feeding his fantasies, but the need of having the actual body near was becoming more and more demanding.

The first thing that came back to his mind was the black haired man's smell. It had intoxicated him first at the club, but again and again during their night. He could still recall the exact fragrance and a strong craving to smell it again arose inside him. All his memories were vivid. He could still feel the kisses they shared and the taste of their mixed saliva. His hand went down to his pants and he closed his eyes, imagining the night. There was no use romanticizing it. They had fucked each other.

Naruto stood on his hands and knees on his bed, the other man kneeling behind him. He thrust in slowly, giving both of them a taste of the pleasure to come. Naruto moved his hips back in time to meet the other's movements, encouraging him. The brunette breathed out heavily trying to contain himself.

He started going faster and deeper. Their lubricant created a dirty sound with every shove making both of them go mad. Naruto couldn't keep his moans down anymore and his volume rose with every thrust. He descended to balance on his forearms and rested his forehead against the mattress. The other man pressed his stomach on Naruto's lower back and took hold of his hips, drawing him even closer with each thrust. The new angle of their bodies caused him to hit Naruto's sweet spot and had him gasping in a new found pleasure.

"Nnnn… harder!" he screamed in between his moans and the other pushed himself in and out faster and inside to the hilt again and again.

Naruto reached down for his member and started stroking. Their breaths were labored and hearts raced with excitement. The other man joined Naruto's hand in pleasuring him with his and both of their bodies felt the electric feeling of enjoyment building inside them. Naruto's voice died down into deep gasps while he pumped himself faster and faster. The other man's breath hitched and his thrusts slowed as he reached his orgasm. His shoves hit Naruto hard and his enjoyment increased to heights quickly. A wave of warmth shot through Naruto's body and his muscles tensed as he was engulfed in the pure pleasure of orgasm.

Naruto woke to the reality with a start. He was leaning on his left arm on his desk and his other hand was… He cursed. Quickly he recaptured himself behind his zipper and kneeled under his desk. The white substance covered the desk bottom all over. He reached his arm back and grabbed a tissue from one of his drawers and wiped at the stain desperately. The wooden surface would suffer from the moisture. Despite his effort, a dark area was left on the wood after he finally gave up. Luckily his clothes hadn't been stained, though.

He got back on his chair and glanced around his desk. It was bare except for a few necessities like a lamp and writing equipment. His father's picture stood looking at him from the corner of the desk. He smirked tiredly and turned it downwards. He didn't want to deal with their debatable father-son relationship. There was no use defying his father now that he was dead. He had already become what he had most feared.

………

On Thursday evening Naruto was home having dinner. He wasn't very good at cooking, but he managed. He had made salmon with potatoes and some sauce to go with it. Again, he had been ravenous when he came home. His day had been a long one with some stupid meeting making him work late. His cell-phone rang in his pocket with a dreadful ringing tone. Naruto sighed. The tone never meant good, but he still fished the phone out of his pocket.

"Yeah?" he answered, already bored.

"Hey, Naruto! I was thinking I haven't seen you in a while, so how about coming to party at my place?" a chirpy male voice responded. The caller was the grandson of another business partner of Naruto's dad's corporation, Konohamaru. They had gotten along well as kids, but ever since the brunette had reached puberty he'd become intolerable. His kind of a party contained heavy drinking and playing with a lot of girls, neither of which Naruto enjoyed. Plus he got very, very annoying when he was drunk. Yet he still couldn't break off the relation.

Naruto groaned silently. "I'm on a business trip right now," he lied.

"You're on business trips all the time!" the other exclaimed. Naruto had used the same excuse before.

"Yeah, they're finally making me work. I'll come by some other time, okay?"

"Ugh, fine. Well, see ya later!"

"Yeah," Naruto answered, turning his phone off. He wasn't going to answer any more calls like that. Nor anything work related. Then he could have received a phone call from his godparents or some distant relative who wanted to be remembered in case Naruto happened to die. He disliked both. All of them would just fuss about his well being. The difference being that his godparent's concern was always genuine, the rest's not so much. He had plenty of reasons to kill the phone once and for all, but he refrained himself. He just hoped the 'other time' when he and Konohamaru would finally party would never come. Konohamaru knew that Naruto was gay but had a strong belief that he'd be 'cured' if he just had enough girls around him. His view of gay was really stereotypical and that was probably why he didn't actually believe Naruto to be gay. He didn't match the description.

Naruto set his cell-phone on the kitchen table and grasped utensils again. He prayed no-one would be persistent enough to actually come and visit him. He cut a piece of salmon and pierced a slice of potato. Naturally, when he lifted his fork toward his mouth, his doorbell rang. The fork was left hanging in air and a disappointed look flooded on Naruto's face.

He pondered whether to ignore the doorbell or not. He could always say that he hadn't been home and the lights were on because a maid had been there cleaning. No-one would have gotten there that fast after not reaching him on the phone, though. 'But if it's one of those stupid surprise visits…' he started but decided to at least check who it was, thanking whoever built the house for its peephole. He laid the fork back down, dragged himself to the door and looked through the peephole. His eyes widened with surprise and a light blush crept on his cheeks. He composed himself quickly, wiped his face expressionless and opened the door. The gorgeous black haired man his fantasies had centered on stood waiting behind it.

The man pushed forward and connected their lips. Naruto reacted immediately. He placed his hand behind the man's head and the other on his lower back and drew him inside out of the foyer. His back was soon after banged against the closed front door. The other man held the sides of his neck while he ravished his mouth. He licked the side of Naruto's face and descended to his neck. His other hand went under Naruto's shirt.

It was happening again. Naruto's eyes were half lidded and his mouth hung open. He was blissful.

"What's your name?" he whispered. The man gave a final lick to Naruto's neck before lifting his head to meet his eyes.

"Sasuke"

Naruto gave a small smile. "I'm Naruto"

Sasuke smirked and his eyes moved to Naruto's violated lips before he attacked them again. Naruto welcomed his tongue eagerly and moved his against it skillfully. He circled his arms around Sasuke's shoulders, his other hand in his hair pulling him closer. Sasuke pressed his leg in between Naruto's and moved against him. A low moan escaped Naruto's throat in the midst of their kisses. He noticed the other's similar excitement and pulled him closer and more firmly against him. Sasuke's breath hitched with only the pressure and he repeated the motion. Their kiss had been broken, but a trail of saliva still connected their slightly ajar mouths. Naruto licked the other's lips lightly and caught it with his tongue. He pulled their chests together and breathed in the other's fragrance he'd so missed. It was still the same and the reference it evoked to last time excited him.

Sasuke pulled back a little and fiddled with Naruto's pants, zipping them open. They looked at each other with anticipation. Sasuke drew Naruto's pants down along with his boxers and kneeled down. He pressed his tongue against Naruto's erection without hesitating and moved closer to engulf it deep in his mouth. His eyes moved back to Naruto's face and he started moving his head in a slow pace while holding Naruto's hips from moving. Naruto gasped for air and tangled his fingers in the other man's dark locks. Sasuke snaked his hand around Naruto's thighs to tease his entrance. He pushed a finger inside and moved it in the same pace as his head. He passed in another and pushed them deep enough to reach Naruto's prostate. The blond moaned with his eyes closed in face of the pleasure. Sasuke added one final finger before believing him ready.

"To the couch," Naruto mumbled dazed before pulling Sasuke with him. He snatched his spare lubricant tube from the lowest shelf on his book shelf and continued to the couch. Sasuke sat down and pulled him onto his lap, placing his hands on his hips. Naruto opened his belt and zipper and stood up on his knees to pull them of him with his boxers. He squeezed the lube and enveloped Sasuke's member with a comfortable layer. Finally he stood on his knees again and directed it to his entrance. He eased himself down until Sasuke was inside him to the hilt. He balanced himself by placing his hands on Sasuke's shoulder and thigh and moved upwards slowly. Sasuke moaned in approval and stared at him fascinated by his expressions. Naruto moved faster after getting used to the organ inside of him again. They looked at each other with lust filled expressions. Naruto's eyes were half lidded and he lowered his face to lick Sasuke's lips. Their tongues met and pressed together shortly. Naruto pulled a way and leaned back. He found his prostate in the new position and moved his hips faster and faster. His face reflected the pleasure he was feeling and the sight added Sasuke's excitement even further. He started pumping Naruto's member and lifted his hips to meet Naruto's. Naruto screamed with all the pleasure building inside him and distantly heard Sasuke moan in release. Naruto felt him shoot his hot load inside him and climaxed. He gasped while his head shot up and body shook against Sasuke's. His heart raced and mind reached a blissful paradise.

Sasuke drew him against him and Naruto's head fell on his shoulder. He waited for his breathe to even and heart slow down. Or maybe he waited for it to stop once and for all. He was returning from sweet oblivion and he wouldn't have minded staying there. Finally he opened his eyes and moved up to release the softening cock from inside him.

"Why'd you come?" he whispered in Sasuke's ear. He knew why he came, but he wanted to hear his answer. His breath sent shiver down Sasuke's neck.

"You know why. I couldn't wait," Sasuke answered in a low husky voice.

Naruto managed a small smile. "Shower?"

Sasuke got his scheme and smirked.

* * *

**A/N **

**That's** **that. How were my lemons? Need modifying? Tell me honestly.  
I know I said that this would be NaruSasuNaru, but I ask for your opinion. Should I switch it to just SasuNaru? I don't really mind either way...**

**And btw if there's something wrong with my grammar or words I used or spelling or something, I'd appriciate it if you told me. My spell check doesn't correct everything...**


	3. Need

**Umm... Long time no see..? ..... I'm really ashamed for the long wait : A lot's been happening......  
Yeah and I'm still going with NaruSasuNaru in case you're wondering!**

**Warnings: Yaoi, l****anguage and lemons **

* * *

::Of Living and Being Alive::  
::Need::

Water droplets run down a turquoise tile wall. They merged with each other and became bigger and bigger until they couldn't defy gravity anymore and run down faster and faster. All the while they were drawn towards the body pressed against the wall.

Sasuke's back was pushed against it tightly and his hands were held on both sides of his head. Warm water poured down on their hot bodies on their side while their tongues met again and again inside the caves of their mouths. Their bodies from chests to thighs were pressed together hard and building erections rubbed together, neither of them knowing if it happened intentionally or not.

Sasuke lifted his leg to the opposite wall with windows exposing only their faces to the outside world. The wall he was pressed to only divided the shower space from the rest of the bathroom. "It's your turn", he breathed and Naruto gave a wicked grin in reply. He let his hand trace its way towards Sasuke's entrance. Naruto passed a finger through the waiting hole and leaned forward at the same time. The created friction between their cocks had them both taking in sharp breaths but they still kept gazing at each other. Naruto licked Sasuke's lips and was admitted inside his mouth for another kiss. He drew his finger out a bit but plunged it deeper a second later. He added another finger and rubbed their bodies together while fucking Sasuke's backside with his fingers. Their kiss broke when neither could concentrate on it anymore.

"Get inside," Sasuke ordered breathlessly. Naruto complied immediately and took his fingers out. Sasuke turned his back to him, leaning on his forearms on the wall. The shower was still running but neither took any notice. Naruto placed one hand on the wall and with the other guided himself to Sasuke. He pushed in slowly, ignoring Sasuke's already relaxed state. He pulled out a little and thrust in again. Sasuke moaned quietly and hung his head down while Naruto started to pick up speed. He moved his free hand to Sasuke's hips and drew him closer with every thrust. He was already feeling it. Sasuke curved his back a little to let Naruto further inside and his breathing quickened and was accompanied by more moans. Naruto took hold of his member and pumped his hand down with every thrust. He was nearing his orgasm and by the sound of it Sasuke was, too. He pumped faster and thrust harder. A wave of pleasure filled his head and run through his body. He felt Sasuke release himself on his still moving hand and shake with his orgasm. He wrapped his arm around his waist before they both collapsed against the wall. "Shit," Sasuke mumbled dazed. Naruto licked his neck, making his skin go on goose bumps. "Yeah"

………

The moon lit Naruto's bedroom with an interestingly comforting light. His mahogany drawer shone eerie white without its dark red shade the sun would reveal. Naruto lay on his bed staring at the exquisite color. He had woken up to the sheer amount of light in the room. To him, it was almost bright. There were windows on both sides of the bed, but the drawer was on the farer side from Naruto. He was aware of the body that lay beside him and under the gaze he'd set over it. He was actually happy it was there. Usually he would be happy if it was gone.

He looked up out of the window. In the slight slice he saw of it, the sky was dark navy blue without stars or clouds in sight. He knew there would be a full moon casting its brightness down at him if he cared to turn to look out of the other window.

He was intentionally avoiding Sasuke's eyes. He didn't know why. Finally he looked down and found Sasuke looking back at him. Somehow he had know he was.

"Who are you?" Naruto whispered. It wasn't an accusation nor something that required an answer. It was some time before the dawn of Friday. It meant that there had been whole four days without any scandals of him through the media. He was… extremely surprised. It was like he had been waiting for it all along and yet went along with it the first time and now again.

"You don't really care", Sasuke answered with a certain tone. He seemed blithe but he was only close to the truth. Naruto didn't want to care. He had never cared before. Therefore he would never admit he did.

He looked at Sasuke in the eyes for a while then moved to stare at the ceiling. It was closest to black in color. The light of the moon didn't reach it. The same ceiling as last time. Sasuke hadn't been there when he woke up. Naruto wanted to admit that he cared but couldn't. There was no relationship and no need for inquiries.

"You know who I am…" It was a desperate plea for an answer hidden behind whispered words. He still didn't care.

Sasuke's eyes revealed a foreign compassion he was feeling but it went unnoticed by Naruto. Sasuke leaned forward and kissed him for the nth time that night. They automatically had their tongues out the moment their lips touched, but the kiss wasn't passion driven. There was a feeling in it and Naruto felt what it meant but couldn't grasp it consciously. Sasuke moved partly on top of Naruto and cupped his cheek without letting go of his lips. Naruto felt torn. He wanted what was happening but another side of him screamed no so loud he couldn't ignore it. Even the slight tenderness assailed him. It was new.

Naruto pushed up and flipped them over. Nothing changed, the kiss was the same and Sasuke's hand still lingered on his cheek. He drew away but stayed close. Their breaths mixed with each other. The kiss… had been nice.

"I have to go", Sasuke apprised with some hesitation. Naruto looked down at him for what felt like a small eternity before pushing himself up. He sat on his side of the bed while Sasuke stood up. He glanced at his alarm clock. 5 am.

He felt a growing anxiety building inside him for the first time in years. He didn't want to let go. And it scared him.

Sasuke dressed quickly and went to leave the room.

"You'll come back?"

Naruto didn't look at him nor did Sasuke look back. Naruto didn't want to ask something like this but his need to know was too great.

Sasuke halted at the doorway and stayed quiet for a while. "Maybe… You're a good fuck."

Naruto stared at his back almost disappointedly. "You're too." His answer was honest and didn't betray any of the emotions he was feeling.

Sasuke left, leaving Naruto staring at the doorway where he disappeared from. Was that what he had wanted to hear? Something so impersonal and yet so very intimate. Sasuke was a fuck of his. He was just a fuck. Was that the truth? The tenderness was something that told different but Naruto couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle emotions. Sasuke was the same?

………

Naruto wasn't due to work until 9 am and he was never early. Today though, he was thinking that he may as well go to work as he knew he wouldn't fall asleep again. He got up and dressed in straight pants and a stylish dark beige dress shirt with white tribal patterns. He grabbed the top for the pants as well even though he never wore it. His work look consisted of random stylish shirts which would annoy the big-ups at work for being too loud and straight hair with a notch calmer finish. He just flatted it out with some hair gel as he wouldn't care less for spending time on his looks for work. He had actually managed to shower with Sasuke in the end, so he didn't have to go through that as well. It might have taken a long time to get out of shower once he got there. He grabbed his wallet and keys and exited his apartment.

Down in the lobby he went to speak with the receptionist, a polite man with a bit of a mean streak. Naruto could have him sacked but he enjoyed seeing the man's courage.

"Morning. Is there a car ready?" Naruto asked the man with no interest in his voice.

"Yes, sir. The chauffeur was a bit early today. I did not understand why she bothered, but I see she did right."

"Good, good. Right outside?"

"Yes, sir. He is waiting there. May I just say that yesterday evening I let a certain young man up to your floor. I did see you enter with him the previous weekend. I hope I did not do wrong but I doubt it as I must say he left earlier looking quite well."

"Yes, yes, you did alright. He's fine, but I've told you not to let anyone up without my consent. Call me and _then_ let them up."

"Yes, sir. But he is an exception, am I right?"

"Sure"

"Then will he be the only exception or may I let every young man looking for you up?"

"… Keep it at him. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

And he could be so infuriating at times as well. He never missed a chance to point at his sexuality. He'd been in the house as long as Naruto had and therefore he had had time to see what's going on even behind Naruto's careful covering.

"Oh, and my godparents are an exception also. But you already knew that didn't you? Without giving you a permission you've never failed to let an angry aunty in, have you?"

"… No, you a quite right, sir. I understand, sir."

"Good, good. Keep up the good work!" Naruto flung while walking toward the exit. Attack is the best defense, they say.

The moment Naruto got into the waiting car his mood sunk. It was as if he just knew he'd never see Sasuke again. It would be Sasuke's choice, though, if he never again visited. Even if Naruto wanted to contact him, he couldn't. He knew nothing of him; even the name might not be real. It wasn't like he could just put an ad in a magazine "Looking for this brunette" with a picture attached.

Naruto turned to look at the chauffeur from the backseat through the rearview mirror. Naruto rarely saw female chauffeurs. She was probably a temporary replacement for his regular driver. He didn't really care. He never hired a chauffeur whom he didn't trust and as he did, he didn't question their absence or who they found as their replacement.

Ten minutes to office. Nine. Eight and a half.

"Would you like an ice cream?" Suddenly Naruto didn't want to arrive at the office at all.

Their gazes met through the mirror. The girl's expression never changed from the kind of serious expressionless look that Naruto distantly recognized as a business poker face. It kind of humored him to see such a face before even arriving at the office.

"Sorry, I don't like rich men."

Naruto kept staring at the girl, judging her. He leaned his head back disinterested.

"You like girls, don't you?"

Her eyes flicked back to him with the kind of surprise that told Naruto he had been right. A light blush crept on the girls face but she never answered.

Naruto started wondering what kind of a girlfriend the driver had. Her blush told a story of her being in love. She looked innocent, so her relationship must be sweet and full of kisses and caresses. He felt that that kind of sweet and soft form of love belongs to everyone's life when they are young. Loving someone unconditionally was beautiful but also very risky, Naruto thought. He had never had anyone to caress him the way he imagined she was every day. He felt a little left out, but the thought of exposing himself other than physically was scary.

He suddenly remembered something forgotten: his mother soothing him after he hurt himself. He was very, very young and he never knew he remembered anything that far back. He tried to remember everything about the moment and started feeling a little better. The mother he had never had time to get to know still seemed to comfort him in his memories.

The driver kept her course towards Naruto's office.

………

Black abyss of nothingness. Where is that? Air around moves like black smoke, swirling like it's alive.

A face appears in the midst of the darkness. Hair floats around it in motions created by something resembling a flow in the depths of a small river. The girl's body is blurry, but glowing, as if reminding it's there. Long, long pink hair. Naruto remembers: Sakura.

"How do you feel now, huh, Naruto?" she mocks. "You steal my man, I steal yours. Fair game, isn't it? No, you know it yourself it's still not fair. You never loved either man. You can't love."

"_I can."_ It's an uncertain, silent defense of a 16-year-old. It's the truth he is taught but never experienced for himself.

"Prove it. Love me like I've loved you for all these years."

"_I can't love you."_

Another face appears. A blond man in his early forties with piercing blue eyes. Father.

"Quit wasting your life, Naruto. Find a girl and settle down. You can't take over the Uzumaki corporation like this."

"_I don't want to take over it."_

"You will, when you get older. You've got to live for the future."

"_I don't want to hear it… I won't listen to you… I want to live my own life…"_

Slowly the surrounding black mist swallowed both of the figures. Naruto sat down on the cold ground. He didn't want to see anyone else. He hugged his knees and wished the nightmare to end. He was just a confused child now.

He heard steps from somewhere far away. The sound surrounded him and he couldn't place where it came from. He followed the sound with his eyes and waited for the person to come closer. The closer he came, the surer Naruto was of who he was. He stood up and wiped his cheeks of tears he never shed. He listened and followed, walking and running further into the darkness, not fearing. He had to find him.

A fan. He saw a fan clearly a short distance away from him. The fan was white with a dark pattern in the middle difficult to make out in the dark. It floated in the air. Naruto reached out his hand and felt a silky sensation of something he couldn't see. He knew he had found him. Was it hair he had touched? He didn't know. Reaching further, he discerned the form of a body and messy hair, all black. The body didn't have the similar glowing form that the previous two had had.

"Naruto, you're still doing this?" Sakura and his father's voice returned from a distance. Naruto quickly drew his hand away by reflex. He tried to find the source of the voices but found none.

"_I don't have to listen to you."_ He replied confidently.

"Will you ever listen to me?" The voices asked.

"_No! Leave me alone already!"_

He reached back toward the third figure and touched what he assumed was his back but it crumbled into tiny dust in his hands. The dust was quickly blown away by a nonexistent wind.

………

Naruto woke up at home on his sofa. He rubbed his forehead and cursed. It hadn't been the first nightmare of the sort. The figure of Sasuke seemed to become more vivid each time. Each time Naruto longed to touch him more after waking up. The gem he had had for a short moment still shone in his memories, teasing him of his existence.

"I can't love, huh?" he laughed. The thought was really bittersweet.

What that they had had, had been special to Naruto. What Sasuke was to him was more than a fuck. He didn't know how much more, though. He probably wouldn't see him again and that made it irrelevant anyways. The faster he got over him, the better. All he knew now was that he was in no mood to go clubbing.

He didn't care to see anyone even less than before. He had even said to the receptionist down at the lobby not to let anyone up without asking for his consent first. He didn't care to have any surprise visits in his state. He had his groceries bought for him while he wasn't home and made something extremely simple out of whatever happened to be in the fridge. He was chopping vegetables for a soup when the knife slipped and he cut his finger.

"Look at you. You can't even hold a knife! You should have listened to me before you did this to yourself", he heard the Sakura from his nightmare say with a pitying voice.

Naruto stared down at the slightly bleeding finger. He realized he had needed Sakura's voice to understand that deep inside he had pitied himself. He leaned on his good hand and a wave of sorrow washed over him. Blood and tears mixed up at what would have been his dinner.

"When did this happen", he whispered to himself.

* * *

**A/N**

**I don't know how I wrote after such a long time. I think it wasn't as good as before... Was the story ok? I was really insecure about it for a long time. Well tell me what you think!  
**


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